Katherine Deves, a name associated with advocacy for women's rights, shares an eye-opener of a personal transformation story. From the vibrant life inspired by “Sex and the City,” Deves embarks on a journey that ends with her heartfelt dedication to family and marriage—something she initially resisted but eventually found empowering.
Katherine Deves has lived the dream many young women were told to chase.
As a lawyer, a traveller, and an independent woman, she once believed the feminist promise that career and self-fulfilment would be enough.
But her story is one of disillusionment with that dream — and of discovering the deeper freedom found in marriage, motherhood, and family.
Speaking as a guest at the recent Family First party national conference dinner about her journey, Deves shared openly about her personal journey.
“I myself once bought into the liberal feminist narrative that de facto relationships and dating were the same as marriage — modern, free and equal. But they’re not.”
Like many of her generation, she grew up idolising the “Sex and the City” lifestyle. A wardrobe of shoes, cosmopolitans with friends, and endless romantic adventures looked glamorous. Yet the reality was loneliness and instability.
“I lived what I thought was a liberated life… But one morning in San Francisco, I woke up alone, not even a pot plant to keep me company, let alone a cat. I was overweight, I was unhealthy and profoundly lonely.”
The breaking point came after a violent relationship with a man she met online. It forced her to call police and seek legal protection.
“I rang my dad in tears and his words cut through: ‘Katie, what are you doing? You need to come home to your tribe.’”
That return home changed everything. A chance encounter led her to Dave, a “beautiful beaches boy” who would later become her husband.
Unexpected twin daughters soon followed, along with all the challenges of early motherhood.
Post-natal depression and the pressures of a de facto relationship weighed heavily, but motherhood transformed her perspective.
“Ironically, in my story, everything that I had resisted — family, commitment and marriage — that is what empowered me. It did not constrain me.”
A decade later, Katherine and Dave married in Mudgee, with their three daughters at the centre of the celebration.
For Deves, marriage became not a restriction but a sanctuary: “Having a home where I was just mum, where my career began to flourish in ways I could not have imagined, gave me the confidence to be the person I always thought I could be.”
Deves is frank about how the feminist dream failed her and so many others.
“We are expected to have it all, but this means doing it all — and the results are not pretty. Mental illness has exploded, substance abuse has increased, loneliness is an epidemic. Marriage rates are down and separation rates are up.”
Her message is both warning and hope. The “have it all” narrative ignores the realities of women’s lives, undervalues motherhood, and leaves families fragile.
But Deves insists there is another way: building strong families where women are cherished and children thrive.
“The promise made to Gen X women of independence actually undervalued marriage and motherhood. When you are fighting for a family unit, it gives you something bigger than yourself.”
Katherine Deves’ journey from chasing feminist illusions to embracing family life is a reminder that true empowerment is found not in self-absorption, but in love, sacrifice, and the bonds that endure.
Deves pointed to some clear policy directions she believes would help make Australia more family-friendly and ease the pressures that women face. A few key ones:
Support for Mothers at Home
Deves argued that current policy settings push both parents into the workforce and undervalue time mothers spend with children in their earliest years. She said research shows children under three do best when with their mothers, and suggested redirecting subsidies toward family-based care or home education rather than simply pouring more money into industrial childcare.
Fertility Awareness and Honesty
She urged more candid conversations with young women about the realities of fertility — the challenges of delayed motherhood, risks of difficult pregnancies in later life, and the limits of technologies like IVF. “IVF should be a last resort, not a backup plan for delaying motherhood,” she said.
Rebalancing Work and Family
Deves criticised the “have it all” model, where women are expected to juggle full-time careers and motherhood without meaningful support. She called for policies that make it financially viable for one parent to be at home, similar to the single-income family model that once underpinned Australian prosperity.
Defending Women’s Rights in Law
She is also active in the legal fight against gender identity ideology in legislation, particularly the Sex Discrimination Act. She believes redefining sex to include men who identify as women erodes women’s hard-won rights and protections. To counter this, she has helped establish the Common Sense Defence Fund, which aims to support litigation to protect women’s sex-based rights.
Family-Friendly Social Policy
Deves tied the fertility and family crisis to broader issues like housing affordability, cost of living, and uncontrolled immigration, which she said place further strain on families. She suggested these need to be addressed if young Australians are to have realistic choices about marriage and raising children.
Family First agrees with her policy prescriptions and has long argued, and will continue to argue, for them. Deves is a member of the Liberal Party but kindly agreed to speak at the Family First national conference dinner to share her story and policy ideas.